losin' the 'tude

the last two days i have had a really bad attitude. overall just kind of cranky and self-absorbed. both days were good days filled with sunshine, delicious food, beautiful morning walks but i could not, for some reason, get out of the funk clouding my life.

tonight i made dinner for a group of my friends. my mother's chicken enchiladas always please the crowd. sporting my favorite quilted apron i dashed around the kitchen messily folding each enchilada in place; it was the perfect remedy for my case of the 'poor mes'. painstakingly compiling the pan of food put my life into perspective. eating a home-cooked meal didn't hurt, either.

now i am contemplating the greater impact of the people we encounter's attitudes. first impressions are lasting. how many people did i meet, for the very first time, carrying the weight of this unexplainable bad attitude? i definitely wouldn't blame them for putting me on their dislike list. how many people have i met, and disliked, because they momentarily slipped into an ugly funk just in time for our introduction?

all of this (neurotic, mind you) thinking led me to a conclusion. i am going to live a philosophy of second chances. the time has passed when i make a snap judgement about a person just because our first encounter wasn't sunshine and rainbows!

i am, also, going to work on clearing my life of any funk before being around others. bad attitudes are far more contagious than good attitudes! if it means baking a batch of snickerdoodles or kneading my frustrations out on a loaf of bread, i will not infect others.

job searching has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because i'm not in school and have a lot of time to think.

i love my work. i love every interaction with a student, each policy or handbook i have an opportunity to make better, every program that betters someone's college experience. but a huge part of me is itching for something more.

the commencement speaker this weekend spoke so eloquently about his experience with the peace corps. i was inspired and intrigued. my mind immediately began racing with possibilities, writing stories of an enthusiastic version of myself changes in somalia or guatemala.

so now i have spreadsheets. line items of research on the many volunteer opportunities available to an educated girl from utah.

i am going to leave it to the fates. give it to god, as mama raich so vibrantly says. i am going to look for the perfect student affairs position. a job that will cultivate my advising and programming skills, a job that will challenge my view of the world. i am also going to search for a chance to give myself away. i am going to explore spending time on a different continent teaching children how to read, building fresh water wells or educating people about the transmission of AIDS.

i am only 24 years old and, despite my dear Nana's efforts to marry me off, i am single and independent. when in my life will i be able to get up and go: wherever. whenever. however.

probably never.

R.